Beauty Of UGG Life

Ugg Boots Virus (UBV) Close to Pandemic Level

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Several illnesses were reported across the U.S. this month including the Ugg Boots Virus (UBV), Chihuahua Owner Disease (COD), and Oversized Sunglesses Syndrome (OSS).  Though many of them are well-known issues that began early in the decade and have begun to trail off, the Ugg Boots Virus continues to reign terror on the nation and is approaching alarming levels.  Experts are now urging friends and families to do everything they can to prevent the virus from further outbreaks.

Last year, 6,527,220 new Ugg Boots Virus cases were reported.  Many of these cases involved repeat victims who were unable to change their stale fashions in time to prevent contracting the virus again.  Even more alarming is that many of the new cases reported contain a transformed version of the virus that has helped speed the spread the virus.  This new string has been linked back to Wal-Mart, Kohl’s, and Target which has allowed new classes of Americans to contract the virus — not just trophy wives at upscale shops.

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She'd look better without the boots. (and the bra)

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The Ugg Boots Virus became a household name to the everyday American in 2003 when dozens of A-list celebrities contracted the virus from a fashion-risk lifestyle.  But it wasn’t until Oprah introduced the virus to millions of Americans that it truly hit the Center for Disease Control’s radar.  In December of 2003, NPR reported:

In the world of high fashion, the most unlikely styles become fads. This season, the must-have accessory is a pair of Uggs… cloddish sheepskin boots from Australia first popular with surfers in the 1970s. Now all of Hollywood seems to be wearing them. And it’s not just a Southern California trend, either. Retailers are selling out as far away as Toronto.

As NPR’s Elaine Korry notes, “Ugg mania” may have been pushed over the edge when Oprah Winfrey gave a pair to everyone in her audience. Before that, celebrity sightings: Gwyneth Paltrow and Julia Roberts were spotted wearing them, and Sarah Jessica Parker ordered a special pair in ruby red.

Though unsure of whether Toronto represents the northern or eastern limit, the virus had actually spread as far as the shores of the Atlantic.  It spread like wildfire and by February of 2009, the number of women who have contracted the virus is staggering. UBV has affected over 50% of women under 40, 80% of women under 25, and 98% of girl’s under 18.  It has literally ruined the sex appeal of women across the country.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater of the Center for Disease Control has never seen anything like it.

This virus kind of began with a bang and women weren’t ready to accept the consequences of their decisions.  It was a different time back then.  Women weren’t aware of how ugly they’d become if they contracted UBV.  But now we find ourselves, 5 years later, seeing young women continue to contract this virus — and their behavior is unacceptable.  It is very well known that this virus can be avoided by changing simple patterns in shopping behavior, but these young girls continue to ruin their looks.  It’s appauling…I have no idea how to resolve this.

However, the recent downturn in the economy may prove heroic in killing this horrible virus. On Friday, Bloomberg reported that Deckers Outdoor Corporation, the maker of the virus, expects unchanged or decreased profits in 2009.  This is the best sign in 8 years that the UBV may eventually disappear sooner rather than later.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater sees this as good news.

You know I saw something similar to this in the 60s and 70s.  The Nehru Jacket Disease (NJD), which affected millions of Americans in the late 1960s, wouldn’t die off until there were economic factors that wiped it out of existence.  I can see how this might happen to UBV, but I’m skeptical.  These chicks are looking pretty fugly.

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