How deep is your love
• 2009-Aug-18 - Baby would rather
Baby would rather
The first weekend at home alone, I think after drinking two large orange juice and a large soya-bean milk what I should write. Old trouble made and fetched the topic first, started writing before writing. To " me in book ",etc., expect from " me and the past past event of book " such a I think topic that refine well and finally. Have many excellent want, tremble, come out first in beginning, think better of, expect I spend these " burden " actually Attract every reader, so I come to a halt at this point, enter the subject.
Talked about me and was born in the eighties when reform and opening-up was advancing at a leisurely pace, born, meet great drought all over the world that year, grow, come down my mother did not dare to eat for me whole two day, what seed of trouble seem to be afraid and planted. Arrive, it has to be Dragon Boat Festival just three day, I mother desire, feed I wipe out Zongzi, but being disappointing, I have not teethed yet, has killed my mother and thought that thinks towards the thought (my mother of emperor's reincarnation the sex after people's reincarnation will change before I am quickly, so there is this that thinks) . Waiting for me for getting long 16 years old, I dreamt suddenly that died 1941 one's own last lifetime, the dream make how many times I can not remember clearly, it is not probably but the dream but a certain illusion of me even. I loved the scholar of a patriotic young appearance in 1941, that one, have illicit intercourse at the beginning and desert her at the end by him, I wait for him till winter of this year sillily, then on " flop " Fall down to the ground and die, have a fetus and so on in the stomach inaccurately at the time of death, but I always can't clearly confirm this in the dream. Since knowing one's own cause, I study more more diligently than before, and swear to be more capable and more laboring than that patriotic young man! Until someone say I talent, I think oneself talent too to now as a child I. I still know Zhang Ailing is so too, but the one different from hers is, others say she is a literature talent, and say I am that the talented person can not often say in which respect I am just. This can prove even more I am an unusual talent, that is to say - -Versatile person.
Then I make and swear maliciously again: Read the man all over the world, and exceed them allly, the blood is hated to revenge for my previous existence! It is certainly a good way to study, learn the marrow that forefathers summarize first, then personally practise. I had the first boyfriend that year of 16 years old, was the top-notch player of long-distance race. I practise in the morning with him every day, I practised stealthily too in the evening, exceeded him and obtained the first place in the whole city young long-distance race during 18 years old at last. For participate in man match I of group hesitate, give up great beauty of me play the part of a young civilian worker temporarily even, I say with match Organizing Committee I these monthly salary is in arrears with even, afford the sports pants, they let me wear the trousers and run. Wait for the match to be over, Organizing Committee rewards a set of Li Ning brand sportswears to me as a means of encouraging specially. The match will be finished in a couple of days I will assign the first boyfriend, I tell him desperately very much, you walk, don't let me see you again. He left. Later on he made a lot of telephones and questioned me the reason, in order to pacify him I has to give Li Ning's card to him.
The second boyfriend of mine plays the piano, has held a concert specially in Beijing Concert Hall, have still gone abroad. I learnt to play the piano too as a child, but fell into disuse later, began to refuel darkly secretly after knowing him. First of all, because my hands do not contact the key all the year round, the finger has not been already a bit very flexible. I am cruel, live frugally for three months, entered the beauty parlor and made finger 20 times to attend to. I still invest a large sum of board expenses to use for first beautiful hand of U.S.A.. I play and play, does not fall from one etude which visits strategic point and play directly day and night, I visit the great teacher all over during this time, but they all praise me is talent, just show me a little, not earnest teachings. At last, I got the third place in international Chopin piano match two years later, my boyfriend connect with the door of Chopin match has not touched to yet.
Before running into the third boyfriend, I am a famous pianist, my another title is famous poets now. Under third boyfriend of stimuli, I reading come ons so as to unprecedented diligence intensity. The poem needn't be mentioned, because he writes poems and small and famous poets. Besides poem, I read all over novels and great speaking and literature theory books that can be found. Meanwhile, I write two poems averagely every three days, and the head wins universal praise for the first time. What kind of pace I must explain and write two in three days and revise to a poet here: It is equivalent to a person's strength strength when that uses all the time is to run the last kilometer in long-distance race. The third boyfriend of mine has already been stimulated not all rightly by me now, he hopes very much too oneself can be exceeded by me quickly, we are in order to substitute together. What but there am more less I in issuing quantity than he, and I have not looked for my activity that will be engaged in well yet, so we must be together. In line with identical idea of resolving contradiction early, he authorizes me to be his broker, the editor wants to invite his poem and gets through my joint first.
I like reading besides reason described above, another great reason is I, to my unsatisfied with lifing. This can't blame me completely either, I was not healthy in the childhood, lying at home everyday, lie see I of I father various magazine that mother subscribe to, pictorial and literary publication of movie & TV mostly. I just but Forth Five-Year Plan Period years old, contact either feeling, star of Hong Kong and Taiwan, thing 'love in the twilight of life', writer of mainland, all day, this bury conditions at the lower levels word early among heart, expect heavy thousand world of sensual pleasures that fluctuate those travel since. I have also planned a best route for oneself: Seven year old first love, ten year old go up on the stage performance and achieve instant fame, 12 year old travel around the world, marry into the god son, looks of rich and powerful family at 15 years old, come out again at 30 years old, hurry to the third world countries and succour the difficult child of refugees at 40 years old, 45 years old obtains Nobel Peace Prize and specially newly-increased for me " Talent's award " ,Go and live in seclusion and come back home to write the memoir again at 50 years old, the name of the memoir is called " as the talent's life ". My mental work had a limit at that time, can not think of things for the future of 50 years old. My blueprint is revised by me little by little as I grow up, later on I added " the plum open eight degrees " Imagination,it it is last dish the the Elizabeth old ladies of the depressed places not to pledge life. I too can invite good dish depressed place take some fine things maybe by the time. But my blueprint is basically without realizing, this has caused my unsatisfieding. I study more and more diligently, want to change one's own situation wholeheartedly.
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